Delight in Disharmony

Am I really off my mind to say this. Can any one delight when there is disharmony, especially in a marriage?

What I want to explore and illustrate in this article is that when in Faith and when you are a true child of God you learn to take all afflictions in life as the means of purification. God’s disciplining of an individual because He loves the person applies very much also to a married couple. As he sees them as ‘one body’. And how does he discipline and increase them in faith? What better affliction in a marriage than disharmony but disharmony that is recognised and acted upon in faith.

All married couples envy other couples ‘who are so in love and bliss’. This is what I call ‘marriage envy’. “Oh why is my marriage not as good as theirs!” I am sure is a question that passes through every married person’s mind at least once. And if you were not in that ‘awful’ position you are truly blessed. The rest of this article may not make sense to you.

For those who have indeed been there and are struggling right now through that perilous situation read on to see how to turn that disharmony into delight, that pain into healing, that struggle into strength. Don’t see this message like the fox that cried ‘sour grapes’ but as the lamb that declared ‘sweet surrender’.

Hmmm. Am I just trying to make a theoretical argument. Should we not just say in the first place- Love one another as God Loves you. And hence any deviation from that is pure sin and therefore you deserve to be punished for any deviation from that…especially in a marriage. Am I trying to ‘hide’ behind God finding excuses for justifying the quarrelsome life of a couple? And I tried to explore this as I searched for answers in my own personal life and here are purely my thoughts and reflections the way God led me to infer. If this does not make sense or is totally in error to you as a reader I apologise upfront. But if you do see some truth and there for some hope in your marriage through this message I welcome you to experience the ‘sweet surrender’ that leads to victory always when in Christ.

Where did I even get the strength to make such a daring claim? Let us reflect on the following verses, why even disharmony in a marriage could be seen as the providence of God ( really could he even do some thing like that ). God uses many ways and many things to make us turn to Him ( to give him glory ). Could it be the disharmony in the marriage when recognised correctly and used appropriately be an instrument of true change. When our eyes can see the ‘Hand of God’ in all things that’s when the first step to victory in all affliction starts:

• We know that the whole creation has been groaning in labor pains until now; and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. Romans 8:22-23
• Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

But where do I see the promise and the delight in this Disharmony. If we truly have faith and belief in God and as married couples understand that it was His providence that brought us together, and he wills for us to stay united, why at all have this disharmony in the first place. Hmmm..Let us put it this way. Being in Love because of our efforts is great. To conquer a conflict through love and to win over the war through peace ‘by the hand of God’ is greater still. 

God leads us into confusion, pain, trouble, fear, struggle, hurt, heartache etc etc to break down our pride, our self righteousness, or ego, or arrogance etc , all of which are the source of disharmony. So when through faith and by faith we are brought to the realisation of these negative forces in a marriage and we conquer them with and through God the victory is permanent and truly blessed. He brings us to our knees and makes us rely on his ‘Hope’-  not to punish us but to give us that lasting realisation and a bond that is for greater than what ‘carnal love’ can achieve. In all the fights and disharmony he is giving us an opportunity to know Him and surrender to Him who is the source of all peace and love. And in doing that we will be drinking from the font of living water and never will we thirst for Love once we come to the realisation the truth.

And that is what I meant by Delight in Disharmony. If every couple in disharmony took their pain and suffering to God in faith and use the brokenness to seek resolution in humility, then we will rejoice like Paul who had a ‘thorn’ in the flesh ( does it sound like many of us in our marriages)

• But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me. That is why, for the sake of Christ, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong
• And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

But of course the single pre requisite for the above ‘crazy claim of mine’ is putting your marriage in God’s faith. If you trust in God and believe in God’s mighty providence, try taking the disharmony in your marriage to Him…and see how he will turn it into delight for you. How his peace will restore the peace in your marriage

• Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled; do not be afraid. John 14:27
• Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7-8

All marriages are indeed a miracle of God…and so also are all continuing marriages and all restored marriages- you are not just brought together by God, but kept together too by Him…and if he is using disharmony to show your weaknesses and to seek him…hold on to that rope now! For that might be the saving line thrown to you…Delight in the disharmony as it has opened your eyes of your heart.